


It's hard being left behind, It's hard to be the one who stays.

by lydiamxrtin



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Merlin learns to live without Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiamxrtin/pseuds/lydiamxrtin
Summary: Bad Things Happen Bingo Prompt ● "Trying to wake them up” + Merthur.The battle for Camelot had been won, Morgana had been defeated and Merlin had his magic back. Yet, it didn't feel like they had won as Merlin battles to save Arthur's life, the true reality of his density becomes apparent.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119380
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	It's hard being left behind, It's hard to be the one who stays.

**Author's Note:**

> so....this is angsty, I'm going to be real with you all this is sad and while the ending is hopeful(ish) just a heads up if you are looking for something light-hearted...this isn't it😅
> 
> Thank you for requesting this, it was actually really interesting to write and like Merlin, I managed to get some closer about Arthur's death! 
> 
> Find me at @tkstrrand on tumblr to check out my Bad Things Happen Bingo card if you want to request anything!
> 
> -aj 💛

Merlin and Arthur stared at the body of Morgana Pendragon sprawled out in the ground, the blood pooling from her stomach mixing into the mud and grass below; magic was returning to the earth. The only noise that could be heard was Merlin and Arthur's panting, Merlin sheathed the sword in his belt, rushing over to Arthur, wrapping his hand around his shoulder. 

Arthur’s eyes never left his sister, and Merlin tried hard not to picture the kind and merciful girl he had first met lying dead on the floor. “Come on. We have to make it to the lake.” Merlin grunted, all off Arthur’s weight resting on him. They walked a few more steps till Arthur slipped, Merlin unable to hold him anymore as they dropped to the ground, Arthur laying on top of Merlin. He tried to move out from under the king, grunting and panting but he didn’t budge.

“Merlin...not without the horses.” Arthur gasped, making no effort to move off of Merlin. Merlin managed to stagger to his feet slightly, but he felt Arthur’s hand patting the top of his, “We can't, it's too late. It's too late.” His voice was weak, barely above a whisper. 

“No.” Merlin ordered, falling back down to the ground as his arms wrapped around Arthur’s chest tighter,  _ it wasn’t too late, that simply wasn’t true.  _ Merlin just needed to get him to the lake, they were so close,  _ he could fix this. _

Arthur gave a rasping laugh, more of a huff of air, “All your magic, Merlin, can't save my life.” There was no malice in his words or judgement; just a fact, one that Merlin didn’t believe.

“I can. I'm not going to lose you.” Merlin grunted again as he tucked his chin into Arthur’s neck, trying to push off the ground, Arthur was like a dead weight. Bile rose in his throat;  _ dead weight.  _ Arthur wasn’t dead, Merlin was going to save him, his magic which had saved him all these years would fix this. Arthur was still breathing, still speaking, there was still hope.

Merlin felt Arthur’s hand patting his again, “Just, just hold me.” With every pat Merlin felt his strength depleting, sinking further and furthering into the wet earth. “Please,” Arthur begged, as Merlin finally stopped struggling, his chin resting on Arthur’s armour. They’d pause for just a second then Merlin would get him to the lake, it was his destiny. Merlin felt like his heart was trying to carve it’s way out of his chest, the ringing in his ears so loud he almost didn’t hear Arthur’s words, “There's something I want to say..” Merlin looked down to see Arthur staring up at the sky, his eyes focusing on nothing. His normally bright eyes, incased in the clearest blue Merlin had ever seen, only comparable to a sapphire gemstone, were now dull, like someone had drained the life from them. 

Merlin shook his head, his eyes fighting back tears there were peaking at the corner, “You're not going to say goodbye.” Merlin had heard too many goodbyes in his life, he was not able to hear one from Arthur, not from the man he loved.

“No, Merlin…” Arthur said, shaking his head, “Everything you've done. I know now. For me,” He smiled, and for a second Merlin could see the brightest spark in his eyes, the love that was always there. “for Camelot. For the kingdom you helped me build…”

“You'd have done it without me.” Merlin interrupted. Even though he had stopped struggling his breath didn’t even out, his chest rising and falling so fast his head began to feel light.

Arthur gave a small chuckle, and it was the best thing Merlin had heard in the last few days. The king shook his head, his skin growing paler by the second, “Maybe,” He smiled, a smile Merlin would never grow tired of, a smile he could look at for the rest of his life. They just looked at each other for a moment, neither speaking. Merlin went to move again, to try and drag the king to the lake by sheer willpower. “I want to say...something I've never said to you before…” Arthur gasped, moving to turn his head to look at Merlin better, a smile spread across Arthur’s lips, “I love you.” He said his voice the strongest it had been all day as if Arthur had saved this last piece of energy to tell Merlin. The smile grew as Arthur moved his hand up to cup Merlin’s cheek for a moment, moving it to the back of Merlin’s neck. 

The ringing in Merlin’s head stopped the only thing Merlin could hear were those words. He felt his own smile grow, he gave a small laugh, tears dripping off the tip of his nose, “I love you too,” Merlin gasped. Arthur gave a smile that Merlin had never seen before, one a mixture of relief and pure happiness. His hand tightened around the back of Merlin’s head.

His hand released and fell crashing into his lap. The ringing reappeared and Merlin reached over to cup Arthur’s face, his hand almost recoiling at how cold he was. “Arthur...No!” He cried, tapping his skin gently. “Arthur!” Merlin cried, the tapping growing harder as his desperation rose. The king’s eyes peeled open and Merlin almost chocked on the hope that rose in his chest. “Stay with me” He whispered, his face inches away from Arthur’s “Arthur!” He cried. The man’s eyes fluttered closed again, his head rolling to the side, “No,” Merlin gasped, moving his hand from Arthur’s cheek to check his pulse. The hope in Merlin’s throat was replaced with panic, pure panic so intense Merlin screamed, trying to move Arthur and himself, get them to the lake;  _ to their destiny _ . “Arthur. Come on.” He begged with hysteria, the tears racing down his cheeks making the horrific sight before him almost unseeable. “Arthur!” He wailed, it was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that came from a person drained of all hope .

_ But there was hope. One last hope. _

“O drakon! E male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!” He roared into the sky, praying to any god or goddess that would listen that there was still time. Merlin’s throat ached and scratched from the screaming, but he didn’t care. He used his last remaining strength to pull himself out from under Arthur. His hands reached out, shaking as he cupped Arthur’s face, his forehead coming to rest of Arthur’s, “It’s going to be okay,” He whispered, his hand smoothing Arthur’s cheek. 

A roar echoed across the sky, Merlin looked up to see the dragon coming to land in front of him. 

Merlin pulled himself up from the ground, standing in front of his old friend, “Kilgharrah. I would not have summoned you if there was any other choice. I have one last favour to ask.” He called, looking back at the king lying on the floor, the sight to similar to that of Morgana who laid a few feet away. 

The ride to the lake realistically couldn’t have taken more than a few minutes, but as Merlin clutched Arthur to his chest it felt like a lifetime. 

They clumsy slipped off the dragon, and Merlin looped his arms under Arthur’s armpit dragging him towards the lake, the hope growing closer and closer.

“Merlin.” Kilgharrah sighed, “There is nothing you can do.” he said.

Merlin froze, his breath laboured as he looked down at the king in his arms; his skin pale and cold, his eyes had not opened since the clearing. Merlin furiously shook his head, his lip quivering “I've failed?” He gasped.

“No, young warlock, for all that you have dreamt of building, has come to pass.” At this moment those words brought no relief to Merlin. He didn’t care about what he had built, what the future held if Arthur wasn’t there by his side.

Merlin staggered back, tears running down his face as he cried, ignoring how raw his throat felt, “I can't lose him!” Merlin begged, in his sobbing Merlin could hear the sound of his heartbreaking. His heart broke as a new disturbing reality arrived uninvited, “He's my friend!” He screamed. His friend, his king,  _ his everything. _

The dragon stepped closer, bowing his head, “Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold,” This couldn’t be how Arthur’s life was foretold, this couldn’t be how it ended, “Merlin...Arthur is not just a King, he is the Once and Future King.” Again, the words fell flat in Merlin’s heart, “Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.” He didn’t want Arthur to rise again, he wanted him to rise  _ now.  _ To open his eyes and look up at Merlin and for them to continue to build their kingdom together. Merlin felt his leg begin to shake, the weight of holding Arthur, the weight of this new reality settling heavily on him. “It has been a privilege to have known you, young warlock,” Merlin looked up at his old friend, wondering if he had listened to him; killed Mordred, killed Morgana when he had been told he wouldn’t be standing here clutching the unmoving body of Arthur. “The story we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men.” Merlin clenched his jaw, his lip trembling, he could care less if the story lived on in the minds of men, he just wanted-needed Arthur to live on.

The dragon took flight, a gust of air all the evidence that he was ever there. Merlin just stood there, stumbling for a moment before his legs gave way and he crashed to the floor again. He moved so he was looking down at Arthur, kneeling next to him.

Merlin reached out and placed one hand on the side of his cheek, the other on his chest, shaking him, “Arthur,” Merlin gasped. “We’re here, we made it,” He wept, his hand coming to brush some hair that had fallen onto Arthur’s forehead, he gave a wet desperate laugh, “I did it, I saved you like I always do you clumsy clotpole,” He laughed but Arthur didn’t, the rain running down his pale face. Merlin shook, not caring that his clothes clung to him, or that the mud seeped through his trousers to his knees. Merlin gasped, shaking his head, “You can’t leave me here,” He cried, “What am I meant to do,” He asked, what was Merlin without Arthur, what was one side of the coin when the other was gone. Merlin laid his head on Arthur’s chest, “Please wake up” He whimpered, “WAKE UP,” He roared, the ground beneath him quacking and birds taking flight from trees.

Everything fell silent; the trees, the animals, the wind, as if the earth itself was waiting for an answer. Merlin pulled his head up, getting the answer he knew awaited him, the answer he knew was his destiny. 

Arthur’s eyes remained close, no sapphire gems staring back at him. Merlin sobbed, his head crashing back down into Arthur’s chest, wanting more than anything to feel the kings hand wrap around him.

He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there for, until his body was empty of tears and grief. He pushed himself from the ground. He grabbed the sword that was still in his belt, looking down at it before launching it into the water, a pale hand reaching up to take it, dragging it to the water below.

Merlin turned and lifted Arthur, carrying him to the water’s edge. Merlin grunted and gasped as he lifted him onto the boat, not caring that his shoes became drenched in water. Merlin stood by the side for a moment, before reaching out to straighten the crimson cape that laid underneath Arthur, wrapping it around the front slightly. Merlin reached for Arthur’s hands, pausing for a second to prepare himself for how cold he knew they would be, he placed them on top of one another, his hand hovering for a moment. 

He stepped back, looking down at Arthur, he placed his hand on Arthur’s forehead.  _ How could this be goodbye, how could he be gone.  _ Merlin was naive to think his body was free of tears. A sob escaped his lips, followed by another as Merlin lowered his head, his hand the only thing keeping him steady. At that moment, Merlin wondered if he would ever stop sobbing or if this was his new destiny. 

Merlin took a few steadying breaths, brushing his hand across Arthur’s face one last time before pulling back, willing his hand not to reach out again. He stumbled back, looking at the boat, at Arthur. He stood up straight, blinking quickly, “Arthur. In sibbe gerest.” He half sobbed, half gasped. He held his hand out, watching as the boat drifted out into the water, growing small and small until Merlin could no longer see it, till he was alone.

Merlin sat on the shore, his hands resting on his knees.  _ Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again,  _ Kilgharrah had told him. What about Merlin’s need? If it were when Merlin’s needs were greatest the king would have risen again now. 

_ Arthur will rise again.  _ Merlin might not have always agreed with Kilgharrah, but the dragon had never lied. Merlin took in a deep breath, the sobs he thought that would last forever had subsided. 

Arthur would rise again, and when he did, Merlin would be waiting, for a coin isn’t complete without its other side. 

**Author's Note:**

> phew, you made it to the end, congrats! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, any comments or kudos are greatly appreciated!💗
> 
> -aj


End file.
